For the most part, I feel like I usually have it pretty together. I know what I want & for the most part I’ve always thought I knew how to get it. but for the first time, I feel like the thing that I want is so out of my grasp. It wasn’t supposed to be & it really shouldn’t be, but I just have this terrible feeling that it’s not all going to come together. I never really expect things to be easy, but I always have been able to get to where I want…whether that meant getting there a little backwards sometimes. I always got there. & I just feel like I’m not going to this time. I didn’t think an exam could make me actually feel so stupid. & I can’t help thinking there’s something wrong with me. Like, my forgetfulness is getting worse & I can’t do anything to stop it.

I’m just feeling kind of helpless. I’m trying to remember if this is the way I felt last time I came home but I don’t think that it’s entirely the same. I guess that makes sense seeing as I’m not entirely the same person & my experience was far from the same. Anyways, I just need some me time. Time to sort my head out.