You know, I’ve never been the type to stress over age milestones. I can’t deny I’m quite blessed with good genes & easily pass for younger than I am. That said, there’s something different about turning thirty. I never stressed about leaving my teens & my twenty fifth birthday was a non-event. I celebrated each in stride & moved on with my life & goals.
But three – oh; She’s been a different beast.
I didn’t initially feel anything for this birthday. I was relatively calm, telling myself it was just another year. Subconsciously there was a shift though. It had nothing to do with the number, but seemed to have more to do with my internal clock. & honestly it didn’t happen when the calendar switched to July 24, 2015. Things have shifted gradually as the year’s progressed. If you haven’t caught on at this point, I’m talking about the idea of starting a family.
I’m not saying this year has changed my outlook. I still have many pre-parent plans in the making. I’m just saying it’s weird. It’s unexpected & foreign & I’m not sure how to deal with it. My plan is to take things as they come. I guess in a way I’m suppressing some things until I feel more ready. & I’m a planner, so the idea of deviating from my plan is rarely something I find appealing.
As much as I find that’s an odd thing to do, I take comfort in the idea that I suspect I’m not alone here. Life is different now than it was even thirty (hell, twenty) years ago, & for me, that means a lot more planning. Luckily, I’m prone to that sort of thing to begin with.
I’m not sure how to end this post. It’s very personal to me, & something I’ve given a lot of thought to. The idea that I may be labelled high risk by the time I decide to procreate has always bothered me (I still believe that my thirty may be someone’s twenty five), but there’s something to be said for this biological clock idea. Something more than social cues.
I’ve told myself that I’m sure of my current decisions. That I’m fine with the outcome, either way. But am I? Or is my body prompting me to consider other options?
I don’t think there’s a real answer here, but it’s something I wanted to share. Part of me misses this aspect of regular journal days – it forced me to talk about something outside my comfort zone. I’m not looking for someone to change my views on the subject. I simply hope that maybe someone else feels the same way, & I wanted to put this out there. To say it’s ok. To be unsure, to question things, & maybe even share those uncomfortable feelings with others sometimes.
That’s it. That is how I truly feel. Today. (At Thirty).
Ahhh yes… I have many complicated feelings on this subject. Thirty was/is a weird one for me too, for many reasons. I think a lot of people think of thirty as this age where we’d magically grow up or have everything figured out or something, and I sure as hell don’t. There’s a lot of pressure, both self-inflicted and from the outside, to figure out when/if we’ll have kids and it’s stressful sometimes. Anyways, I’m right there with you on this!
Right? I feel like I thought I had considered so many things & now I’m pretty sure I had no clue at all. & this whole suddenly feeling this physical need to have children is so foreign & strange to me. I always knew I wanted them someday & figured those feelings would come, but I was wholly unprepared for what that actually meant. Glad I’m not alone here.
You are definitely not alone with your feelings! Feeling pretty torn myself these days around this subject.
I thought that might be the case! I’m glad I finally decided to publish this post. haha. It’s such a tough thing, I think. We discussed it a long time ago & had made some good decisions that I never thought I would question, but suddenly am. I’m just so surprised by my shift in feelings.
(It’s a slow Friday and I found myself absolutely creeping on your blog, again)
Girl, I feel this so hard. Apparently 27 is my 30. We’ve talked about a baby becoming a reality as soon as the fall. It’s quite legitimately the most convenient time for us to consider having a kid between now and like 4-5 years from now. It’s good to feel torn – don’t deny your feelings! <3
Creep away! haha
I’m glad I’m not alone. It’s been such a crazy shift for me. I’ve always known I want kids, but I didn’t expect to feel it like this right now, you know? Fall! That’s soon! Exciting! We’re on the puppy train which is definitely making me feel like a bit of mama. haha. N laughs about it pretty often. I think it’s good to feel torn too – & I definitely think we need to grab a drink very soon! 😉 xx